Mandatory Celebration

Click here for more from Deeter Cesler

“Then you shall exchange it for money, take the money in your hand, and go to the place which the Lord your God chooses. And you shall spend that money for whatever your heart desires: for oxen or sheep, for wine or similar drink, for whatever your heart desires; you shall eat there before the Lord your God, and you shall rejoice, you and your household.”

Celebration is part of the normal rhythm in life.

Most people love their birthday. The further along you get in your life, the less you tend to expect out of it. Other responsibilities tend to fight for your attention, and the novelty of celebration starts to wear thin.

The best parts of Christmas seem brightest when you’re a kid. You get a second wind when little kids come into your life and the magic becomes making the holiday special again for them.

Sometimes, you may downplay your own celebrations the more they happen.

As a man, few friends of mine (if ever?) tell me about their birthday ahead of time. It only happens when they’re planning a party, and even then, it’s only when I ask when their actual birthday is.

I found out once that I totally missed a friend’s birthday after he called me up to see if I wanted to join him at a bar right then, but I was busy. I learned a few days later it was his birthday, but he was too embarrassed to say so!

Celebration is a muscle. You use it a lot growing up, but the work of life distracts us enough that we let it atrophy.

What’s worth celebrating?

I missed a wedding once in college. The cost to change a transatlantic flight date would’ve been too expensive, and I didn’t have money. I regretted it so much that I said I would never miss a wedding again if I could help it.

I’ve spent thousands of dollars since then flying to weddings and bachelor parties. I’ve regretted none of it.

My last wedding, I flew two separate transatlantic trips just two months apart in order to make the stag-do and wedding. I left a job right before that and my income from freelancing was less certain than ever (at time of booking the flights, it was close to 0).

Of course, it worked out, and I do not regret any dollar spent.

I bring that up not to pat myself on the back, but to outline that celebration is a discipline, not just candy. You need a rule to remind you to do it, or else if you wait for a convenient moment, you’ll keep waiting while the rest of life swirls around you.

Discipline is joy

Type-A, productivity-minded people sometimes tell themselves they’ve got to be tougher, more serious, and more focused. Sure, maybe. But most disciplines that actually work are the ones that are simple to execute.

Celebration is a discipline like any other. It’s important enough that it’s religiously mandated to waste your money on a party. Why would people in more scarce times than ours be told to take 10% of everything they grew that year, and waste it on a party?

Celebration is a spiritual act. It’s not rigid ritual, but a reminder that you’re alive.

The world’s most universal celebration has to be New Year’s Eve. Incidentally, it’s often the most debaucherous holiday we have (if we’re ignoring St. Patrick’s Day). It’s the perfect acknowledgement of ending one era and entering another.

“…spend that money for whatever your heart desires: for oxen or sheep, for wine or similar drink, for whatever your heart desires...”

You’re marking your memory. I’ve forgotten so many good times and stories and achievements that I’m genuinely proud of simply because I didn’t spend the time laying it out.

Marking the event is what makes it sticky in your mind. The more colorful and memorable, the better. You see an old photo “Why was I carrying a baton? Oh yeah that’s when the Saints won so we saw that parade.” Be a Ferris Bueller and you’ll start feeling like the main character.

Find something you enjoy and sink your teeth in it.

Bring Yourself Back to Your Body

Celebration is a physical experience. Drinking, dancing, singing all bring you back to your body.

Embodiment is what lets you feel the moment fully, which is what celebration is at its core.

This works for negative emotions, too.

When some people drink, they might become sad, or even angry. I’d guess that’s what they already felt, but struggle to express. When they lower their guard, that’s what really comes out.

Marking the difficult moments is equally as important as marking the joyful ones. When you fail to celebrate hard times, the feeling stays with you until you accept it.

Mourning is Celebration

Mourning and celebration are two sides of the same coin.

In recent years, I’ve heard funerals often called “celebration of life.” I don’t love it when a culture is afraid to look hard truths in the eye (namely, that the departed are no longer here with us), but I strongly endorse the embrace of a completed story.

Mourning is painful, but inevitable. The best we can do is delay it, which usually just prolongs the pain.

Mourning is a discipline too, and it has a skillset to develop. The more directly you can look at the pain of loss, the better you can integrate the truth of the story into your being.

The best funerals are bittersweet. Bitter with loss, but the sweetness of joy in understanding the quality of who the person was and where they have gone next.

Good Mourning

Small losses need small mourning, too. “Goodbye” is a little mourning.

When my car was totaled, I needed to give it a small goodbye. I drove this car across the country multiple times and added many memories to it. When I was hit so hard from behind that it became a write-off, I needed to acknowledge the loss and not just say “it was just pieces of metal.”

I don’t think the car had a soul or anything, but it defined a part of my life, and it meant I was saying goodbye to a piece of my own history, celebrating the growth and change of it.

I hope this doesn’t sound dramatic. There were no tears or anything like that—only an intentional pause to mark the moment when I shut the driver’s side door for the final time. Sometimes that’s enough.

There’s a reason we do wakes right after funerals. You’re meant to experience grief and look it in the eye—and then start to move on. Doesn’t mean things are fine all at once, but the wake is about setting the intention. “I’m sad, but I’m deciding that I won’t feel this way forever.”

Celebration is the normal heartbeat of life

Just like man isn’t made for sabbath, but sabbath for man—the discipline of celebration is for your benefit. A celebrated life begets a joyful life.

Your body is stuck in fight-or-flight until you acknowledge your painful experiences and accept they happened. Your soul wants to talk about the good things that happen, too.

Ring the cancer-free bell. Buy a friend a bottle when they close on their house. Break the speed limit with your new car. Buy baby shoes (this is definitely a celebration because no 3-month old needs shoes for anything).

I guarantee something is happening this month worth celebrating, to you or someone you love.

The discipline of celebration is simple: waste something. Waste candles, waste whiskey, waste a day on something that does not have an economic ROI.

“…you shall eat there before the Lord your God, and you shall rejoice, you and your household.”

Waste away.

Click here for more from Deeter Cesler